Dinner from hell

I have never felt so hungover, and my face is really sore. I have a bruise the size of a golf ball on my cheek.

We hadn't all been together, the whole family since the win. It's amazing who crawls out of the woodwork when you come into a bit of cash... or a lot in my case.

My Uncle Nob (not his real name, but more fitting) lives in Shropshire, miles away from me. I hate him and he hates me. So why was he at my dinner?

People started arriving at 7. I'd hired a chef called Marco to do the cooking as he came highly reccomended.

There were 20 of us around a big table, but I will only be mentioning the important ones.

Here are just a few of the dramas:

Matty, my 17 year old brother kicked off the party my announcing to my Ma that he would be moving in with me. As you can imagine she flipped her lid! I hadn't had the chance to talk to her about it yet.

Then of course my sister Shaz started butting in "if Matty gets to move out then I do too."

My Pa being the voice of reason (sort of) shouted "NOBODIES moving anywhere!!!"

He claims Matty's too young and I'm a bad influence. He has to wait until he is 18, which is only a couple of months away anyway!

Then my ma got wind of how much of my money I had spent so far. Okay so I've spent a quater of it in just a few months, it's not a big deal! I've done all the big purchases, houses and apartments and cars are not cheap.

"If you keep spending at this rate it will be gone by Christmas" she bellowed.

My phone kept going off all night too. The girl from the other night keeps texting and calling. Girls never do that? I sense she's the gold digging type. But Amy who was sat next to me was suspicious every time I cancelled the call. "It's rude to answer the phone at dinner" I said, and then switched my phone off to be on the safe side.

My Grandma hasn't been well lately, and had to come to the dinner accompanied by a nurse. She had a bag of piss hooked up to her at the table, and she couldn't eat much. It upsets me to see her like this, but she is 80 odd. Anyway she had a funny turn before the desert came and the nurse took her back to the home. That put a bit of a dampener on the evening.

There was a lot of champagne floating around and I found myself getting very drunk. Uncle Nob told me about this great idea he had for a company - he wanted to sell mobility products to people, and needed the funding to get started. I told him I would think about it.

On the balcony with Amy later my concience got the better of me... I didn't even know I had one! And I told her that I had "kissed" another girl when I was drunk (I wanted to gauge her reaction before I told her I'd slept with her too).

I never even got the chance to tell her any further, she thumped me in the face and walked out.

Later I met my mates in town and then the girl from the other night, Shelly called me.

Feeling annoyed and full of self pity I agreed to meet her. This time I woke up in her flat.

This is NOT good.